We are a work-from-home family with an orange cat, recurring medical chaos, and a house that runs on flexibility, humor, and clear communication.
What does medical chaos mean?
Orion has a rare birth defect, and while he is usually a happy, playful kid, respiratory viruses tend to land us in the hospital for monitoring and support. During those stays, we need someone who can spend the day cuddling him, keeping him company, and generally being his person, while parents always handle nights. Day to day, he snores like a freight train (this is normal for him), his expressive speech is delayed while his receptive language is impressively advanced, and we rely on communication aids and patience to help him get his thoughts out without frustration. He also has multiple weekly therapies that are part of life here and require reliable transportation, calm transitions, and a sense of humor.
What is the Cleveland, Ohio area like?
There is a lot to do here, despite what the internet thinks about Ohio. Akron and Cleveland together give you a solid mix of city energy, nature, arts, and deeply Midwestern weirdness. We have museums, theaters, comedy shows, live music, festivals, professional sports, and an unreasonable number of very good restaurants. Add in incredible cultural food and international markets, and you can eat your way through half the world without leaving Northeast Ohio.
If you like being outside, you’re covered. Cuyahoga Valley National Park is right here and is genuinely beautiful. Hiking, biking, waterfalls, scenic train rides, and places that make you forget you’re near a metro area at all. In the summer, Cedar Point is an easy trip and absolutely lives up to its reputation. Roller coasters, lake views, and the kind of adrenaline that makes you question your life choices in a fun way.
Cleveland also punches above its weight culturally. The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is actually worth visiting, even if you’re not a huge music nerd. There are excellent art and science museums, historic neighborhoods, and Lake Erie, which behaves like an ocean that decided to live inland and occasionally menace us. Farmers markets and international grocery stores are everywhere, and the food scene is quietly excellent.
Travel-wise, we’re well positioned. Pittsburgh, Columbus, and Detroit are all just a couple of hours away for easy weekend trips, concerts, or city exploring. As for the weather, yes, winter exists. No, you will not freeze. I provide winter clothes when you get here. New. From Amazon. Same brands I wear. Coats, boots, gloves, layers. You will be warm, functional, and properly armored against Ohio. Promise.
What is Orion, host child, like?
Chaos. Dragon. Three raccoons in a trench coat. An orange cat cosplaying as a child. He is always moving. Always. Even in his sleep. If he is not moving, something is wrong and we should probably pack for the hospital because a crash is coming. He lives at full speed and has never met “chill.”
He is slightly speech delayed but catching up quickly. He understands everything you say and will occasionally drop a perfectly timed, sarcastic one-liner that makes it very clear my genes showed up to work. Randy’s mom says he is a carbon copy of Randy as a kid. Evidence supports this. Randy once disappeared at a large campus event as a preschooler and was found hours later calmly petting goats in a barn. Orion has that exact energy. Zero fear. Maximum curiosity.
Orion loves art and pretend play. He will create art on his body if he gets a marker. This does happen. We try to prevent it. We are not always successful. He demands adventures and does not enjoy staying home. Playgrounds, zoos, science museums, nature centers, walks, hikes. Thankfully we live in an area where this is easy. He struggles to maintain weight, so food rules are flexible. He eats when he wants and what he wants within reason. If Happy Meals make you anxious or you believe toddlers should survive exclusively on organic home-cooked meals, we will either convert you or scare you off.
He has spoken some Portuguese before and we would love for you to teach him your language and culture. He is happy, outgoing, affectionate, and brave. He struggles to keep up physically with other kids, and when we hike I wear him in a backpack. When he’s tired, he will stop and directly request cuddles. He loves choosing his own clothes and is obsessed with shoes and purses, likely influenced by a former au pair. He loves food, eats almost anything that isn’t spicy, and will steal black coffee or unsweetened tea if you blink. We free-range parent as much as possible. He has autonomy, choices, and collaboration. We say no only for safety. Diapers and baths are non-negotiable. Jumping off the deck with an umbrella parachute is also a no. Everything else is a conversation.
Orion spent a week in NYC with our last Au Pair. She chose to vacation with him. He’s really special and everyone loves him, not just me because I’m his mom.
We’re all medically fragile here, what does that mean?
Yes. We collect diagnoses the way some families collect houseplants. Mom has POTS and hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos syndrome and wears an N95 in group settings, and Dad finished chemo this year and is doing well and cancer-free. There are times when one or both of us may end up in the hospital, but this is not a “you’re on your own” situation. We have a solid support system and a long-time babysitter who step in when needed. To protect everyone in the house, we require our au pair to be fully up to date on vaccines, including flu and COVID. This keeps the household functioning and out of the ER more than necessary.
Are there limitations on activities for Orion?
Yes, but it’s more about smart choices than saying no. Orion will stay in his in-home daycare at least part time, and we absolutely encourage adventures like the zoo, museums, libraries, nature centers, and playgrounds that make sense for the season. During cold and flu season, we avoid places with hard-to-sanitize shared toys like ball pits and foam block areas, because hospitals are not a fun field trip. Playdates are welcome and encouraged, whether with other au pair friends or hosted at our home, and grabbing ice cream or lunch is always fine. If you are a confident swimmer or lifeguard, the local gym has a great kids pool area as well. You will have a car. You should use it. Meet friends, explore, and have fun.
What agencies are you with?
We prefer Cultural Care Au Pair, as we’ve had a good experience with their support and structure. That said, we’re flexible and can work with most agencies that operate in our area. Our previous au pair was placed through Au Pair Care, and that experience went well too.
If you’re with a different agency, feel free to ask. We’re happy to confirm compatibility.
What kind of pets do you have?
Queen Anne Bonny (a.k.a. Taylor Swift, the Problem) will steal the earrings from your ears and the bobby pins from your hair. They will disappear into her lair. We have not found the lair. Occasionally she returns items as a peace offering, which feels ominous rather than kind.
Blackbeard the Pirate will climb into the shower with you. If you share food with him, he will shart on you. This is not a metaphor. He will also turn the bidet on while you are actively using the toilet and least expecting it.
Mo will chase you around with a foam sword, drag your laundry into the living room when we have guests, sleep with you, sample your food, and be the best worst cat imaginable. He has a hobby of knocking people down the stairs, so situational awareness matters. He will also cuddle you all night and hang out with you when you’re lonely. He really is the best worst cat.
The fish are… fish.
The tank provides white noise for my desk in the basement and your bedroom. They mind their business. The cats do not.
No aggressive pets. Just chaos, theft, light psychological warfare, and excellent stories.
What is Eliza, host mom, like?
I’m autistic and very direct. I won’t hint, passive-aggress, or expect you to read my mind. If you need me, I’m there. I do not care if it’s a 2am call because you drank too much or made a bad decision. I might be cranky. I will still show up. Every time.
I’m a software developer and data scientist. I’m quiet, I work too much, and I live in headphones. If they’re off, you’ll probably hear all the work tea because that means I’m in a meeting I couldn’t mute. I read constantly, stay up too late working or reading, and I’m a homebody by nature. I have friends, I leave the house sometimes, but mostly I like being home and existing peacefully.
I don’t cook daily meals. Fancy meal or special occasion? I’ve got you. Steak? My Brazilian au pair trained me well. Day-to-day food is Randy’s domain or UberEats’. You’re welcome to cook if that’s your thing. I’m plain. No makeup, no purse, tiny wallet phone case. The last au pair tried very hard to fix this. I remain barefaced and hopeless.
I don’t yell, shame, or judge. That’s a hard line for me. I have trauma around those things and I won’t recreate it. Whatever happens, we talk it through. Just feed me first. I am a much better human when I’m not hangry. If I am hangry, I will cry. I’m a gamer across PC, tabletop, and console, and I’m always happy to play. I love road trips and am an excellent travel buddy. I drive, I eat cheap, I stay in hostels, and you can control the radio… sometimes.
I’m also very clear about values. I’m pro-vaccine, pro-science, pro-abortion, anti-Zionist, pro-Gaza people, pro-Sudan, pro-love-who-you-love. I’m part of the LGBTQ+ community, even if I look straight and married. I’m actively working to change family court laws to better protect abused women because I lost my first child to my ex-husband and I refuse to let that pain be wasted. You are safe here. Don’t hate people, don’t deny science, and we’ll be just fine.
What does cultural exchange look like for your family?
It’s a two-way street. We’re happy to share our culture and everyday life with you, and we’re genuinely excited to learn about yours. Bring recipes, bring food, bring traditions, music, holidays, stories, and language. If it matters to you, we want it in our home.
What are the house rules?
Before you click through, understand that this is not a glossy, curated version of family life. It’s the real one. We’ve learned that the best matches happen when everyone knows exactly what they’re walking into, including the chaos, the humor, and the parts that don’t fit neatly into a brochure.
We believe in treating our au pair like an adult, not an employee who lives in the house and definitely not a guest who has to tiptoe around. We share space, routines, meals, and a lot of life. That only works when expectations are clear and communication is direct.
This document lays out how our household actually functions day to day. It covers practical boundaries, freedoms, house rules, pets, logistics, and the unspoken things that matter when people live together long-term. Nothing here is meant to be intimidating. It’s meant to prevent surprises.
If this reads like a place you could feel comfortable, supported, and genuinely at home, then you’re probably our kind of person. If not, that’s okay too. The goal is the right fit, not just filling a role.
House Rules Link
What is Randy, host dad, like?
Randy is a marketing professor. He teaches two or three days a week and is usually on campus the rest of the time because academia is a lifestyle, not a job. He lives entirely by the school calendar. The first week of the semester, midterms, and finals week are academic blackout periods. He technically exists during those times, but we do not interact with or see him in any meaningful way. This is normal. This is fine.
Blackbeard absolutely worships Randy. If a cat chooses you as their person, you are objectively good. This is non-negotiable evidence.
Randy is chaos in a human body. He has ADHD. He is funny, lively, warm, and genuinely happy to be around. He will also lose his keys, forget why he walked into a room, and occasionally leave the car door open because a thought floated by and carried him away. You’ll learn to roll with it.
Randy is diabetic and wears a CGM. If his blood sugar drops and I’m not home but you are, I may call you and ask you to feed him candy or juice. This is not an emergency, just diabetes being rude. If Randy is cranky, the correct response is to ask him to check his blood sugar. It’s usually low.
Randy is an excellent cook and, thankfully, enjoys it. He loves teaching people to cook, even though he cannot follow a recipe and operates entirely on vibes and chaos. He’s a gamer across PC, console, and tabletop. He plays to relax. I play to commit fictional violence. He usually has a server running for family and friends.
Most importantly, Randy is deeply kind and generous. He shows up. He cooks, cleans, parents, and is fully involved with Orion. He’s the kind of dad who does the work, not just the fun parts. If you’re in our house, he wants you fed, comfortable, and laughing.
What is the expected schedule?
We need childcare five days a week and will coordinate between you and our in-home daycare. Some days that means drop-offs or pickups, some days it means adventures, and some days it means quiet hospital cuddles. The schedule can be flexible within that framework, and we’ll plan together so you know what’s coming.
We will never go over ten hours in a day. Ever. If we do, remind us and we will fix it immediately. Sometimes hospital stays make my brain bad at math, not boundaries. We are serious about protecting your time and making sure you have space to rest, make friends, and actually enjoy your life here. Cultural exchange only works if you’re not exhausted.